we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
