Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
