bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
