I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
