this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you would pick up someone in the library
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Couch. On fire.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
