I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize