i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
