his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
