Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
