I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
