I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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