dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
