ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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