i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
