nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
