remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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