i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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