I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
