what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
