When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
