Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize