Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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