The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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