Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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