Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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