Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
