it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
