we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
