Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
