Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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