I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
