I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
