Can i not drive my cunt home
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
