Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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