So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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