its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
