the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
