We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
