how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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