I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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