He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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