In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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