careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize