Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
