apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
