Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
