Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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