6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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