What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
