my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize