he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
