hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
