The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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