you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
