Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
