nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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