he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
