we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
