I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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