Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
