I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
