thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
