Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
