someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Farmville is her only friend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize