this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
