I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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