happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
