If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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