4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Quick, to the slutcave!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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