y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
