I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
