Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
