Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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