A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
