dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
