There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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