I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We are two peas in an std pod
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
