so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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