BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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