I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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