I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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