I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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