Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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