You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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