There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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