You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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