i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
