Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
