I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
