i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
