yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
