No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
