I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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